_{THE FIRST TIME SHE KNOWS}

_{As she is falling asleep, she is hit by her body}

_{being too big, like a child's}

_{bed being overtaken by the body of an adult.}

_{A pitiful and demented sight!}

_{In the night of this new place, sounds rush}

_{like water into the bedroom, drenching her}

_{with the noise of men in urinal stalls, blue ones}

_{making love to their lovers, people debating}

_{the precise moment a girl is a girl no longer.}

_{She is too big for this bed, she is no longer a child}

_{to believe that wishes are promises are words}

_{or words mean anything whether spoken or not.}

_{She is no longer a child to believe that as she lies}

_{there not sleeping, too big in her bed,}

_{that others are not sleeping because of thoughts of her.}

_{So sad as a child the first time she knows.}

_{A HEART MADE OF STRING}

_{Before dissection, the specimen appears}

_{to be a heart made of string. A knot of hemp, perhaps,}

_{tangled, heart-shaped. But once cut open, it’s clear}

_{that it is a heart all right, with blood and blood}

_{which spills}

_{near your hands. You can see now that the string had}

_{only been}

_{wrapped round and round, binding, bound}

_{like a marriage vow. String pulled through and over,}

_{tight and tighter -- if a heart could breathe, this one}

_{would not have been able to. You find the end}

_{of the rope, hold and pull it. It comes out in one}

_{long piece}

_{and the heart lies, open, quiet, hers, resting.}

_{In pieces, in peace for once and for all.}

_{_____}

_{LIKE BABIES}

_{A moment ago I couldn't shut}

_{my mouth any more than you}

_{could stop your hands.}

_{My voice chased you into corners,}

_{you thought. You thought. You thought.}

_{I never said what was in that open mouth.}

_{I never said; I couldn't shut up.}

_{Now it's darker and somehow you've resolved}

_{what you thought. You've shut off the light,}

_{ready to be rid of words for some hours.}

_{But I'm at the edge of the bed,}

_{awake with what you didn't hear.}

_{One of us is rocking.}

_{You are falling asleep.}

_{_____}

_{TRICKERY OF THUMBS}

_{Oh the technology that lies within an adulterer’s arsenal!}

_{The ability to hold your mouth, the words out of your mouth,}

_{your fingers, the buttons your fingers push, against my body --}

_{to have those sounds and meanings on my person at all times,}

_{everywhere and anywhere, a wealth of betrayal and wonder.}

_{But as things become more complicated, there are of course}

_{more complications and more opportunities for sadness, for guilt,}

_{for capture as my body vibrates from our abbreviated contact.}

_{I suppose sometimes simpler is better -- glances and alleys}

_{have worked for years and were my first weapons of choice.}

_{But you are younger and you understand these things differently.}

_{I can’t always move fast enough to explain how I feel about}

_{wanting two, wanting sea, wanting you.}

_{© Christine Brandel 2006}